If Only

If only you would know
how bliss clouds over me
and when crude anger covers it all.

If only you would know
what causes a sudden euphoric draw up
and a momentary blow off in between.

If only you would know
the reason behind my cheerfulness in off season
Although, a consequence of inner warfare all through.

If only you would know
the crux of my spiteful propositions
and my unreadable frenzied standards too.

I know it's hard for you to understand
May be, to you I'm egotistical or a victim of MPD
But if only you would know

I might love and may have loved but with you it is different
I cant convey, I cant keep mum
The much I hate my uncontrollable self.

I am the queen when you are around
A sinking ship when you turn away.
And all these hints breathe in a single space.

You have the password of my heart and the key to my thoughts
You control me and I protect you
But... if only. . . . . . . .