If Only

If only you would know
how bliss clouds over me
and when crude anger covers it all.

If only you would know
what causes a sudden euphoric draw up
and a momentary blow off in between.

If only you would know
the reason behind my cheerfulness in off season
Although, a consequence of inner warfare all through.

If only you would know
the crux of my spiteful propositions
and my unreadable frenzied standards too.

I know it's hard for you to understand
May be, to you I'm egotistical or a victim of MPD
But if only you would know

I might love and may have loved but with you it is different
I cant convey, I cant keep mum
The much I hate my uncontrollable self.

I am the queen when you are around
A sinking ship when you turn away.
And all these hints breathe in a single space.

You have the password of my heart and the key to my thoughts
You control me and I protect you
But... if only. . . . . . . .

Falling Apart!

When I feel love
When it's apparent, "You and Me"
I get such an adrenalin rush
Like I am the only narration on this earth
Of the beauty and it's beholder
Of the love and 'eternal lovers'.

But as the rain comes down
When clouds of dark surround, 'You and Me"
I feel hollowness insurmountable
Like I have no purpose but to grieve
Over losing you and myself in you
Over the loss and 'lost love'.

It is such a moment of weakness in me
I can do anything for 'You and Me'
I have never known what is falling out of love
Like the water always quenches thirst
You are my breath and elixir of my life
You are my smile and my completeness.

But I should have known
Falling apart, 'You and Me'
Because you can see through me
Like I'm sheltered in your arms. And it was just a dream
I have a broken wing and you have no inkling
I am a falling star, the light is gone and I am fading..

I miss you when you're around
Can it still be 'You and Me'?
Do you love me or you don't?
Like a cipher decodes in further codes
I give up on your words now
But I am afraid to let you go....

I still remember your first words
Never gone never far, 'You and Me'
Do you still feel the same for me?